Momisms: Never Say Never

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“Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.” – John Wilmot

Chances are good, if you’re a parent, you’ve had to eat crow more than a time or two. We all have. No doubt you’ve said a few, “I’ll never’s” and “I will’s” along the way. Likely you’ve caught yourself doing the very thing you said you’d never do and were instantly reminded of the vow you made in ignorance, the vow you made before you knew just how difficult parenthood would be. We Three Ladies have compiled a list of our own “I’ll never’s” to share with you.

1.      “I would never put a leash on my kid. He’s not a dog!” Well, it turns out 2 year old kids who have an innate desire to explore the world don’t give even the slightest thought to being lost in a crowd of strangers. I like my kids. I’d like to keep them. So while I never got around to buying one myself, I suddenly understand just how great they can be. – Ashley

2.      “I won’t be one of those moms that cry when their kids start school. How over the top!” When I said this it was before I knew how much I would actually love my kids. It turns out handing a helpless child over to strangers who could do God knows what if they chose to is kind of terrifying. Not to mention the flash backs of my newborn who is now walking into school like he owns the place. All together it’s a recipe for a mother to become a blubbering mess. -Ashley

3.      “I will NOT tell everyone about my child’s ‘potty’ habits.” Yeah, okay, what was I thinking? Yes I will! After changing at least 5000 diapers from the day of birth until that one glorious day when the thought of using the potty seems like a good idea, you better believe I’m going to shout it from the roof tops. – Ashley

4.      “I’ll never stop what we’re doing for nap time. The kid can just sleep wherever we are.” Yeah, that’s a great idea in theory. Instead, my child sleeps like a champion if, and only if, she is in her bed, in her room, with her sound machine. I’m super envious of those people whose kids will just sleep wherever they are. – Lisa

5.      “TV is not a babysitter.” Except when it is. Sometimes I just need 5 minutes to rinse the soap out of my hair. Here in front of me is this box which always provides entertainment. I don’t have to call to see if it’s busy. I never have to wait for it to show up. And I only have to pay it once a month. Sometimes, TV is most definitely a babysitter. – Steph

6.      “I will not feed my kids processed Mac & Cheese.” But my kid loves Mac and Cheese. And it’s quick. And it’s pretty cheap. And it’s always a guarantee he’ll eat it. – Steph

7.      “I’ll fill out the baby book with every milestone.” Yeah, that wasn’t so hard with the first one. But by the time the second one comes along, we’re just thankful to have everyone fed, clothed, and happy. When there’s actually time to do things like write in a book, I’d much prefer to read a book instead. -Steph

8.      “I’ll never want to just go out and have a good time and get away from my kid. Fun times should end when kids are born.” Oh wait, I’m still a human and I really would enjoy a drink and some adult conversation. My daughter’s a blast, but she’s not much for conversation. – Lisa

9.      “I won’t forget to take my second child for the same professional photographs my first one got.” Professional pictures?! There’s not enough time in the day for professional pictures. I have two kids now! iPhone camera it is! – Steph

10.  “I won’t be harder on my first child than my second.” Yes I will! Because by the time the second one comes along, everything they do pales in comparison to the terror that my first one has become. – Ashley

11.  “I won’t give my 3 year old the iPad in a restaurant.” But I really want to enjoy this chicken without ruining the meals of everyone else with my screaming children. – Steph

12.  “I’ll never feed my baby rice cereal before the doctor recommends it.” Wait, why won’t this thing sleep? A little rice cereal and she slept all night. Yeah, I think I’ll give her a little rice cereal every night. – Lisa

13.  “I won’t tiptoe through the house to keep from waking my child. I will make them learn to sleep with noise.” As it turns out, my kids like it quiet when they sleep. If it’s not quiet, they don’t sleep. They were like that from birth. I really enjoy having a few minutes of me time, so I do it quietly while tiptoeing around the house. – Ashley

14.  “I will read a book to my child every night before bed time.” But that was before I knew just how tired I would be by the time bed time rolls around. If I still have the ability to form a complete sentence I’m doing well. We’ll just start when she’s old enough to know what we’re saying. – Lisa

15.  “There’s no excuse for not exercising first thing every day.” Oh wait. I went to bed at 11 and was up rocking and feeding at 1, 3, and 5, only to wake for my day at 6. Eat it, treadmill. I’m having Cap’n Crunch and coffee for breakfast.” – Steph

16.  “I will always follow through!” Unless I’m tired. Sometimes it’s just easier to pretend you didn’t see the transgression take place. After all, if I didn’t see it, I can’t do anything about it. – Lisa

17.  “I will spend just as much time cuddling and reading with my second as I did with my first.” Oh wait. I have to go clean the three year old’s poop from the bathtub. – Steph

18.  “I won’t compare my child’s progress with everyone else’s children.” But that kid is walking already and saying 15 words. Should I be concerned? Is my kid okay? Is he developing appropriately? So many questions and then it’s a downward spiral of anxiety. – Ashley

19.  “I won’t let having kids keep me from always looking my best when I leave the house.” Ha. Ha Ha. Ha Ha Ha. If I’m dressed and have brushed my teeth, I consider myself ready for a night on the town. – Lisa

20.  “I won’t lie to my children over petty things.” No, that is not candy. It’s medicine and it will hurt you if you eat it. – Steph

21.  “I will not leave the house with stains everywhere.” Oh look, spit-up and some other mysterious substance that I’m going to hope is chocolate. – Steph

22.  “I will run to my child as soon as he wakes up.” Forget that! If he’s happily playing in bed, that’s 15 more minutes I can use to get some more things done. And if he’s unhappily playing, well, he’ll live for just a few minutes while I’m finishing the task at hand. – Ashley

23.  “I will dress my child very cutely as soon as he wakes every morning.” No. If we aren’t going somewhere, pants are optional. Heck, if his diaper is on securely, I consider it a success. – Steph

24.  “My husband and I will make time for our relationship and go on dates.” Oh wait. Somebody is always sick and the baby has problems with the $15 an hour babysitter. Home date it is! – Steph

25.  “I’ll never take my kid to the doctor unless I’m certain they’re sick.” I never wanted to be one of those moms who took their kids to the doctor with every sneeze or bruise. Turns out, sometimes it’s hard to tell when they’re really sick! – Lisa

26.  “I’ll take my kid to the park often and let him get lots of exercise.” Oh my God, it’s 110 degrees! I’m going to need an ambulance if we stay out any longer. – Steph

With parenthood (and any endeavor really), you live and learn. Sometimes we are confident in how we handle our children. Most times, however, we really are just winging it. During these times, when we’re flying by the seat of our pants, we Three Ladies have been a bit humbled and have learned not to judge other parents too harshly in how they handle their children. The bottom line is that we all love our kids and want to do our very best for them. When the absurdity of the situation is just too much, we’ve learned to laugh. And we hope we’ve provided you with a few smiles today! 🙂

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